Crazy Sunday Things
(Not as in these can only happen on Sunday, only--they DID happen on Sunday!)
So, I was going to go running tonight in the Klosche Center. Despite the beautiful day, I have this thing of not liking to be far from home when I am walking--I feel like I can't get back to where I need to be if there is an emergency. Crazy thinking, probably, but that's how my mind works. Anyway, the weight room was closed, so I was a little bummed. But, I decided to mix it up a bit and go for a walk/run. Really, I was going to run because I like it better than walking (What's the purpose of walking unless you need to get some place?), but I ended up discovering really cool thing number one:
A trail! And, I thought that this trail might lead down to the road that ran by the lake. Instead, it ran right into the lake! It was so amazing, like God had put Lake Michigan there just for me. It was a bit breathtaking and I almost started crying. Actually, there were a few tears shed in awe of the amazing beauty and how close I felt to God at that moment. I still didn't know what He is/was saying to me, but I am/was relatively okay with that. God's doing something, and He isn't revealing all of it to me just yet. He could just be telling me how much He loves me, but I just get the feeling that it's bigger than that. Or, I want it to be bigger than that. I am sure either are fine, as long as I am trusting in Him and willing to listen to His Holy Spirit.
Instead of going home after running into really cool thing, number one, I kept heading North on Lake Drive and I came to a section where there is a walking trail--I think the cross street is Capitol. When you get to the end of the house/trees there, all you see is Lake, and if you walk toward the benches like I did, there are some piers (I think... they are stone... and I am not really sure what their purpose is, but it doesn't matter). Anyway, the middle one was in the shape of a cross. Now, I know ya'll are going to think I am crazy--but considering everything else God is doing in my life right now, that was significant. Again, I am not sure how, but I know it means something. Plus, I had praise and worship music playing on my headphones, so I was pretty amped up/emotional.
Again, I know it's NOT ABOUT FEELINGS. I get that, and I am cool with that. For me, I get the intellectual/liturgical just as much as the feelings. And while I am not great with silence, I understand it, and I understand that no matter where my feeler is, it's okay because I am still in the truth unless I am blatantly choosing to walk after the flesh.
So... I don't know.
Church was good today. I am thinking about starting ministry in the 20-30 age group--they need another worship leader. I've been thinking about it for awhile. Obviously, I am going to pray about it and think about it, but I think it's time. I've been missing not "being in ministry".
***
ON BEING "IN MINISTRY"
So, I get really frustrated in school because there are certain things I can't do (because some crazy person decided they were wrong... whatever...) and I get annoyed because I feel blocked--it's really difficult being a female and having mostly male professors. At this point, it's not about me (granted, sometimes it is and I get whiny because I don't have anyone I can talk to; remember I want to CU--mentorship is important to me, but I can deal with that and I am growing in that).
What it is about? Having a passion in SO many things that I know I could say that are healing words (in a good way, not in a weird way) and feeling stuck because I can't say them because... I'm only a student. I know boundaries are important and they are there for a reason, but coming from a ministry setting where everyone is family, I often have a difficult time understanding why certain things are wrong. I get them, but I don't GET them or think they are necessarily right.
Craziness.
So, I was going to go running tonight in the Klosche Center. Despite the beautiful day, I have this thing of not liking to be far from home when I am walking--I feel like I can't get back to where I need to be if there is an emergency. Crazy thinking, probably, but that's how my mind works. Anyway, the weight room was closed, so I was a little bummed. But, I decided to mix it up a bit and go for a walk/run. Really, I was going to run because I like it better than walking (What's the purpose of walking unless you need to get some place?), but I ended up discovering really cool thing number one:
A trail! And, I thought that this trail might lead down to the road that ran by the lake. Instead, it ran right into the lake! It was so amazing, like God had put Lake Michigan there just for me. It was a bit breathtaking and I almost started crying. Actually, there were a few tears shed in awe of the amazing beauty and how close I felt to God at that moment. I still didn't know what He is/was saying to me, but I am/was relatively okay with that. God's doing something, and He isn't revealing all of it to me just yet. He could just be telling me how much He loves me, but I just get the feeling that it's bigger than that. Or, I want it to be bigger than that. I am sure either are fine, as long as I am trusting in Him and willing to listen to His Holy Spirit.
Instead of going home after running into really cool thing, number one, I kept heading North on Lake Drive and I came to a section where there is a walking trail--I think the cross street is Capitol. When you get to the end of the house/trees there, all you see is Lake, and if you walk toward the benches like I did, there are some piers (I think... they are stone... and I am not really sure what their purpose is, but it doesn't matter). Anyway, the middle one was in the shape of a cross. Now, I know ya'll are going to think I am crazy--but considering everything else God is doing in my life right now, that was significant. Again, I am not sure how, but I know it means something. Plus, I had praise and worship music playing on my headphones, so I was pretty amped up/emotional.
Again, I know it's NOT ABOUT FEELINGS. I get that, and I am cool with that. For me, I get the intellectual/liturgical just as much as the feelings. And while I am not great with silence, I understand it, and I understand that no matter where my feeler is, it's okay because I am still in the truth unless I am blatantly choosing to walk after the flesh.
So... I don't know.
Church was good today. I am thinking about starting ministry in the 20-30 age group--they need another worship leader. I've been thinking about it for awhile. Obviously, I am going to pray about it and think about it, but I think it's time. I've been missing not "being in ministry".
***
ON BEING "IN MINISTRY"
So, I get really frustrated in school because there are certain things I can't do (because some crazy person decided they were wrong... whatever...) and I get annoyed because I feel blocked--it's really difficult being a female and having mostly male professors. At this point, it's not about me (granted, sometimes it is and I get whiny because I don't have anyone I can talk to; remember I want to CU--mentorship is important to me, but I can deal with that and I am growing in that).
What it is about? Having a passion in SO many things that I know I could say that are healing words (in a good way, not in a weird way) and feeling stuck because I can't say them because... I'm only a student. I know boundaries are important and they are there for a reason, but coming from a ministry setting where everyone is family, I often have a difficult time understanding why certain things are wrong. I get them, but I don't GET them or think they are necessarily right.
Craziness.
posted by Mathilda @ 9:34 PM
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