Point One

For really cool people who choose to be wise in regard to feelings and actions...

Keep 'em coming, baby!

I'm a D2L Whore

Potentially harsh, but overarchingly true.

Right, and before that analogy gets played out ANY further, let's just say that I have a few new tricks up my sleeve...

...Says the girl with two calendars and way too many cups of coffee.

Oh yeah, and I died my hair pink.

Worship Leading

Today, I was asked to lead worship at my church. OF COURSE (said with as much emphasis as boldness and italics can muster) that would be no problem. Matter of fact, that is no problem. Singing/teaching in front of groups of people--got that down.

But... can I communicate when it's needed for my benefit? OF COURSE NOT!!! Only for God's apparently... I think that would be... Westminster?

... whatever... (emphasis on the what).

:) And here are some pictures :)

Sarah and Amanda

(My old college roomate and her sister)

Me and Matthew Grant

(My little cousin)

Johanna and Gracie

(My sisters)

Sisterly Love?

:) Ah... That's more like it :)

I took a walk today

So, it was such a nice day that I took a walk. I was supposed to run 3 miles, but was more productive--much more--as I realized a few truths about life that I had been avoiding, or that I hadn't been ready to hear.

Basically, I realized how much I need to be careful and protective of myself and those around me. God has given me an amazing gift of empathy/the ability to understand things about where people are coming from, and I can choose to use that in a good way or a bad way. Today, I chose to be especially careful and will only be using my gift in a way that glorifies and honors Him. Not that I had been using it in a wrong way... only, I hadn't been aware that 1) Yeah, people are affected by what I say and do, and 2) Sometimes I need to back off and give people their space, for whatever reason.

But most importantly, I realized that it is okay that I am backing off. I don't need to explain myself and it isn't going to hurt anyone. If anything, it will help in giving grace to my family in Christ.

And I can choose to do all of this while living in freedom because God is going to give me what I need and others what they need.

I am still a bit raw from my emotions over the past week, but definitely in a place of understanding and awe--that I was given the grace to understand. Now I just pray that others will understand that 1) It's okay and 2) It will probably always be a struggle, but it slowly goes away as other blessings come into our lives.

Peace, Sarah Joy

But what fun would that be?

"Seems to me this perfection thing isn't working for you.Maybe you could try something different?Aspire to being human, maybe, rather than perfect (since there has onlybeen one perfect person, on purpose, I believe?)"

But Why Can't You Pray With Me?

Is my question for the day.

One of these days I am just going to ask it.

Mercy Me Songs

I'm finding myself at a loss for words
And the funny thing is; it's okay
The last thing I need is to be heard
But to hear what You would say

Word of God Speak...


***

3:41 am, Make that 3:42
Time just keeps rolling by
While I'm here stuck like glue
So many things on my mind
But nothing seems worthwhile


... Say, say what You wanna say...
Speak through me
If the idea's mine, it's nothing but a waste of time.

Crazy Sunday Things

(Not as in these can only happen on Sunday, only--they DID happen on Sunday!)

So, I was going to go running tonight in the Klosche Center. Despite the beautiful day, I have this thing of not liking to be far from home when I am walking--I feel like I can't get back to where I need to be if there is an emergency. Crazy thinking, probably, but that's how my mind works. Anyway, the weight room was closed, so I was a little bummed. But, I decided to mix it up a bit and go for a walk/run. Really, I was going to run because I like it better than walking (What's the purpose of walking unless you need to get some place?), but I ended up discovering really cool thing number one:

A trail! And, I thought that this trail might lead down to the road that ran by the lake. Instead, it ran right into the lake! It was so amazing, like God had put Lake Michigan there just for me. It was a bit breathtaking and I almost started crying. Actually, there were a few tears shed in awe of the amazing beauty and how close I felt to God at that moment. I still didn't know what He is/was saying to me, but I am/was relatively okay with that. God's doing something, and He isn't revealing all of it to me just yet. He could just be telling me how much He loves me, but I just get the feeling that it's bigger than that. Or, I want it to be bigger than that. I am sure either are fine, as long as I am trusting in Him and willing to listen to His Holy Spirit.

Instead of going home after running into really cool thing, number one, I kept heading North on Lake Drive and I came to a section where there is a walking trail--I think the cross street is Capitol. When you get to the end of the house/trees there, all you see is Lake, and if you walk toward the benches like I did, there are some piers (I think... they are stone... and I am not really sure what their purpose is, but it doesn't matter). Anyway, the middle one was in the shape of a cross. Now, I know ya'll are going to think I am crazy--but considering everything else God is doing in my life right now, that was significant. Again, I am not sure how, but I know it means something. Plus, I had praise and worship music playing on my headphones, so I was pretty amped up/emotional.

Again, I know it's NOT ABOUT FEELINGS. I get that, and I am cool with that. For me, I get the intellectual/liturgical just as much as the feelings. And while I am not great with silence, I understand it, and I understand that no matter where my feeler is, it's okay because I am still in the truth unless I am blatantly choosing to walk after the flesh.

So... I don't know.

Church was good today. I am thinking about starting ministry in the 20-30 age group--they need another worship leader. I've been thinking about it for awhile. Obviously, I am going to pray about it and think about it, but I think it's time. I've been missing not "being in ministry".

***

ON BEING "IN MINISTRY"

So, I get really frustrated in school because there are certain things I can't do (because some crazy person decided they were wrong... whatever...) and I get annoyed because I feel blocked--it's really difficult being a female and having mostly male professors. At this point, it's not about me (granted, sometimes it is and I get whiny because I don't have anyone I can talk to; remember I want to CU--mentorship is important to me, but I can deal with that and I am growing in that).

What it is about? Having a passion in SO many things that I know I could say that are healing words (in a good way, not in a weird way) and feeling stuck because I can't say them because... I'm only a student. I know boundaries are important and they are there for a reason, but coming from a ministry setting where everyone is family, I often have a difficult time understanding why certain things are wrong. I get them, but I don't GET them or think they are necessarily right.

Craziness.

Growth in Holiness

Because this fascinates me:

When Paul called himself a sinner, it was only to refer back to his pre-Damascus status. He *always* addresses the Christian church using the endearment, "saints".

What does that mean for me?

I am NOT a sinner saved by grace. I am a saint!

(If you really need me to chapter and verse it for you, I will... BUT, for now Romans 5-8 is a great place to start..."I reign in life through Christ!')

Saturday's Going to Suck

Just anticipating one year, six months.

I find that if I acknowledge it, instead of trying to ignore it, I do better.

It just bites because it's a Saturday and I am not at school and I have nothing to keep my mind off of it.

And I can't go see the grave, which now has a slab of cement laid and "Mason" written in it--still no tombstone (as of my Spring Break).

Wow, wow, wow

I've decided I'm going to write a song.

... More to come... later!

A Decent Reminder

Savor kindness because cruelty is always possible later.

In my world of Saturday is 1 yr 6 mos, I have been attempting to not think about it. But, in not thinking about it, I have been getting punchy in my responses. I think it's better if I am just myself (as much as that means I may cry at odd moments) and stop trying to NOT think about my feelings.

Life is simpler when I am honest.

In other news, I need cofffeee. :)

Some of my better stuff from earliest to latest, though probably not award winning :)

August 2004
"If it says 'quiescently'..."
"Why are Red, WHITE, and BLUE..."

September 2004
"I woke up with a black eye this morning"
"The honor of being Christa's homepage"

November 2004
"I have a hole in my ceiling"

January 2005
"Do you know..."

February 2005
"Merely a flesh wound..."

August 2005
"Pheeling Photographic"

November 2005
"Is that a spider?"

January 2006
"What I learned today"

May 2006
"Rule number one"

September 2006
"Future book..."

Friends in Africa

Hey all out there in CyberLand Blogging World :)

In honor of my friends, Reagen (as in Shakespeare) and Rebecca (as in the Bible) being currently in Africa, I have updated my links section to include: SOIS Travel Adventures. Please feel free to check it out, though as of my last check, nothing new has been added. You can also check out Reagen's Africa Trip for more information. I am excited to hear from both of them how things are going!

In the world of writing, I went to church yesterday (where I am determined to crank out my first novel--some people write in libraries, I write in churches) and got some wicked great material. Although, in this case I don't mean plot. Rather, I think I am working on character development. And by character development, I mean mine. To exegete (because who doesn't like that?), I was reminded that my whole life IS oriented around the resurrection. So, I have the freedom to create, redeem, and live restoratively. More importantly, I have the power in JC to do so! How wicked cool is that? Whew!

And then in the more material world of writing, a roommate conversation:

Me at 1:30 am being awoken suddenly from a dead sleep and seeing pitch black except for my roomie who was dressed in all white: "Ahhhhhhhhhh!!"

Very patient roommate: "Hey, shh. You okay?"

Me still confused: "Yeah, I thought you were an angel" (Because, of course, only I would go there with that... duh, Sarah, duh).

...

Me noticing all of her bags and luggage: "Apparently, my angel has baggage... I have to remember to write that down for a story..."

Sleep.