Wicked Bummed

Well... here I am in Vermont, and to be totally honest I am so upset today! Today was just a bad day in general because I had one of my students tell me that I couldn't teach. I know that I am accepted in Christ no matter what, but it sucks when the kids can just get you where it hurts the most.

But then there is the thing that keeps coming back to get me: I want to screenwriter. However, I also know that I need to be where God wants me. Therefore, if God doesn't want me to be a screenwriter then I will do what He wants. I know that, ultimately, what He wants will make me the most happy--but that bites! God and I had a long conversation about this in my car today and we didn't really get anywhere, except that I chose to take up my cross and follow Him. As a Christian (someone who is crucified in Christ... it is no longer I who lives but Christ who lives in me), I have the freedom to choose to say no. However, I know that if I choose to say no I will never truly be happy. I don't understand why I still feel like I am searching. Is it because I am not in Heaven? Will I always be searching until I get to Heaven?

Further, sometimes I wish that I wasn't a Christian because then I could just run off to Cali and get my MFA in screenwriting and make my connections and make it in the business. Of course, if I write sentences like that the farthest I will make it is to the nearest Micky D's.

I seriously hope that someone from JAG actually reads my letter and takes it into consideration. I know that is a really dumb thing to wish for and that I should be focused on world peace or the betterment of myself, but that isn't what I want. I want to be selfish and focus on me and my wants and my desires. I am tired of doing what God wants even though I know it is the only way.

WHY?!?!?!?!? Grr!!! I hate always being the "good little Christian girl!" I absolutely hate it!

I want to move to California.

I want to be a screenwriter for JAG.

I want... I want... I want...

Not God wants...

Yes, I know that I am living out of my flesh right now. But, don't I have the freedom to do that if I really want to? Of course, but I need to set my mind on things above and not on things on earth.

Just pray for me... pray that I learn to trust God even in Vermont.

Somewhere in California and Hitchcock's Rebecca

Today I predict that my letter is somewhere in California. I am guessing that it will actually reach JAG HQ (Headquarters, for those initially impaired) by Monday. After Monday it will probably sit with thousands of other letters to be sorted through and it won't even be considered (except by me and those anxious few who read my blog... okay, really just by me) until the end of March.

Enough with those depressing thoughts.

I am so excited! I splurged and bought Alfred Hitchcock's Rebecca (Yes, I know I am supposed to italicize, but, alas, my old school computer doesn't have that option). Anyway, Rebecca is actually a book that Coates references in last night's episode, specifically in regards to Manderley, the place that Webb ran off to. I normally don't act on impulse like that, but I figured that I needed to. My movie collection is very poor anyway, and I need to upgrade. I'll let you all know when I get it and review it here after I watch it.

I learned how to ski on Wednesday. Our school entered a program that consists of taking our kids to Burke Mountain to learn how to ski. As a chaperone, I was allowed to go for free. It was a thrilling experience, especially considering that I had never gone before--I absolutely loved it! I made it to J-bar level last week. I am hoping that by the end of our five weeks I will have gone on the ski lift at least once.

Otherwise, nothing noteworthy is happening in Vermont. Just pray for my letter!

That said, "Good Morning Vietnam!!!" Oh... I mean, have a great day everyone!

Your's Truly, Sarah

A Joke

Here is a little something to pass the time away, while we wait patiently for my letter to enter California:




A screenwriter comes home to a burned-down house. His sobbing wife is standing outside. "What happened, honey?" he asks.

"Oh, John, it was terrible," she weeps. "I was cooking when the phone rang. It was your agent. Because I was on the phone, I didn't notice the stove had caught on fire. It went up in seconds. Everything is gone. I barely made it out of the house alive..."

"Wait! Back up a minute," the man says. "My agent called?"

Day One: I Sent My Letter

Well, it is official. I am legally insane, and I no longer have the letter to prove it. Actually, I do have the letter. In fact, I have a copy of the letter on my computer. However, a second copy of the letter was given away, along with the rest of what was left of my sanity.

It all started with moving to Vermont--nowhere near Cali, where I really want to be.

And then... I decided to do something about where I wanted to be. I wrote a letter to CBS explaining why I wanted to write at least one episode for them. Am I crazy? Perhaps, but I would like to believe that my insanity is going to get me somewhere in life.

I am going to trust God with the outcome of that letter. He knows what is best for me and for the ministry that I am at. He knows if I need to work here until I am 84.5 (orignally, it was 83, but the gas prices just went up again). God knows, and while I often struggle wtih being okay with that, I also know that that is okay. I am still okay with Him and He will still direct me to where I need to be at any particular time. I can only hope and pray that this letter somehow fits into that mix.

Seeing as how I mentioned my blog in the letter, I have decided to keep a track record of where the letter could possibly be at any given moment. Tonight, I predict that it is flying over the state of Wisconsin.

Anxiously awaiting the arrivial of the repsonse of my letter...

Q: "Do you know why I pulled you over tonight?"

A: "Probably because I was speeding."

Yes, that is correct, folks. Tonight I got pulled over for going 50 in a 35. As I was sitting in my parents van waiting for the policeman to do whatever policemen do with your license, registration, and proof of insurance, I had a little conversation with God.

The conversation went something like this:

Me: "Please, please, PLEASE don't let me get a speeding ticket."

God:

Me: "You know... if I get a speeding ticket I won't have enough money to pay for my teaching certificate."

God:

Me: "So... you could give me a speeding ticket and then I wouldn't HAVE to get my teaching certificate."

God:

Officer: "Here is your license and information."

Me: "You're not giving me a ticket?" (I think at this point I sounded like I was about to wet my pants).

Very Nice Officer: "No tickets. Drive Safely."

Me: "Uh huh" (At this point I did wet my pants)

God:

Me: "So... I suppose that means that I have to get my teaching certificate, eh?"

God:

Yup, it was most definately a meaningful conversation. But, I really would like to thank the lovely policeman who chose to not give me a ticket! It really made me think about grace. The next time I give one of my students a demerit I will most definately remember tonight. And, perhaps, for one day I will be known as the Demerit Princess instead of the Demerit Queen.

P.S. "Little spooksters running around mumbling into their sneaker phones..." Did you really think I would leave you with nothing about JAG?

P.P.S. I am going to take a moment for word-of-mouth publicity: http://www.dogearpublishing.net. You guys crack me up like a broken femur in my left aorta ventricle!!!

P.P.P.S. Dan Brown and I have a date now.

The end!